Islam

First of all, let me explain quickly about comments. 

I am a very crazy person and each time I become so obsess with something and recently or probably always I am obsessed with comments. I keep log on to my blog to see if there are any new comments on the dashboard !!. 

This drove me nuts, so the best thing for me right now is to "don't allow" them. Yes, I can have notification of new comments be sent to my email instead of keep checking here, but then my craziness will be shifted towards another place "my email". 

Now to my topic which is "Islam".


I do a have roller coaster experience with my religion. Belonging to a family which is not religious and have your own mind is a tricky business. 


I taught myself how to pray, my parents used not to pray. I took a book and started step by step until i learned it. Growing up, I was mostly what we call here a "religious" person who is the one keeps talking about religion all the time, don't listen to music or watch movies and keep reminding you of the wrongs and rights in Islam.


That phase didn't last long, I was young in and out of it. 
Then came a period which I am not proud of but wont beat my self over cuz it's the past. I don't like it though. But even then I was worried about "haram and halal". 




Forward to the university period ,during that time of "finding yourself and your path", I read lots of books and one of them was of a huge interest to me. BTW, books have always been my guide.
I don't believe in censoring but that book I would recommend to. I
t's the ONLY book that make me believe that "we are all infidels", all of us even Muslims. 
About a year ago, the Saudi government started pulling that book from all school libraries , good job.


After that, things started to be clearer to me. I want to love my religion but I don't want to hate or judge anyone else. I hate hate, irony, huh ? 




Finally, came my huge connection to the internet. Most of the sites I keep logging in were Saudis with lots of religion. To understand the "Saudi Islam" you are going to spend a life time. Islam "the Saudi way" is a horrible religion "excuse my words". There is a huge concentration on "punishments, hell fire and labeling". 
You have to know that "we" are the true religion,"we"are the true sect. Everyone else will go to hell. You too will if you are not in this "we".Everyone else is an "infidels" and lots of names-you wont  understand even if you were a speaker of the language- thrown at ever single one who doesn't agree with them. 


The problem to me and to many is that I can not take orders without asking and arguing. 
They say, you can not say "no" to an order from Allah. They say they speak Allah'w words. But then you read the Quran with lots of questions and arguing about basic things and no one is ever punished for that !! 
There is no "priesthood" in Islam, then let me find "my way".

The position of women in Islam was a very big problem, too. I mean how can I love a religion that basically blames me for everything and consider me as a second class. And I can not even argue or ask.What about covering our faces?. Marriage?. Custody of children? ...etc. 

The funny thing is how they keep talking about prophet Muhammad being a very kind person, a smiling, a forgiving while they are grumpy and full of hate. The hate in the message itself was very repulsive to me.


So many people at work kept telling me how surprise they are with me for being "this believer and depended" on Allah and yet being who I am, meaning listening to music, watching movies, being friendly with she3a and the worst "plucking my eyebrows". 


I don't think Wahabism gave Saudi Arabia a bad name, but rather Saudi Arabia gave Wahabism a bad name. BTW, everything you hear about Wahabism is the truth. 




I couldn't find the other point of view. We are a country of "one color" !!
Later on,I found them but mostly online. I was happy to find them, here are the "other", those who are willing to fight against the sheikhs...but.... they were on the extreme opposite. Not only "no religion" but "no respect" for Allah and prophet Muhammad and I love them. Can you tell me your point of view without an insult !!




Where is the way out of all of this?
This make me feel so lonely. I don't belong here or there. I am sure there are a lot like me but so far I can not find them. 


Let's cut this journey shorter and land on the recent time.
This Arabic revolution especially "The Egyptian" one makes some things possible. It allows me to read and listen to another view about Islam. A view I have heard about before, liked but couldn't grasp more of it and I did. 


I don't know if this is healthy or not, but I guess to reach "your way", you will need sometime on earth and lots of digging.  


Now, for sure I know that for example, not every woman who isn't covering her face is bad, yesterday at the mall, I saw a great action of one and lived the generosity of one of them when she offered to remove my cart away for me, with a huge smile on her face :) 




I have been away from my religion for a while, honestly because I reached the point of not understanding it, of the complexity of it. This Ramadan, it was different. I finished the Quran which I neglected for a long time. 




I don't care how others live their life. I live mine the way I want. At the end only Allah will judge me.
I care less about the labeling of people and who is a Muslim and who is not. If I have the right to love my Islam, then they have the same right to love their "Christianity"" Judaism" "Buddhism" or any other religion on Earth and have never heard of it, or not believe at all. 
Oh yea and I will love them too :) 


I will try to do the duty of my religion and I will fail, but that's OK. I wont stop asking, arguing and looking for the answers. I am sure I will die with so many questions about Islam that I wont have the time or the ability to be understand.  




Believe me there is a huge walk on the lane of guilt Islam too. 




Finally,I want to send a special thank you to Haitham, again for the great links for Al-sha3rawi.
You will never knew how much you helped me with those links. 


P.S: long time ago I wanted to apologize for the lack of my words and the repetition of many of them , so sorry for the headache I cause you every time you read  :)