Rabu, 31 Agustus 2011

30 Questions in 30 Days.September 1,Question 1


I am trying to commit to something,
so I am starting this 30 Questions in 30 Days, let's see where will it lead me :)


Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or something else? Half-full or half-empty?

I think I am more of an optimist. And I reach this by practice. 

I used to be very optimist when I was a kid, I don't know why or how I was this, 
probably fate or our brains know that we will need it one day !!

Through life and tough times, I was down a lot but then I would surprise myself by being optimist and believes that things will change and "it will get better" .




*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :) 

Selasa, 30 Agustus 2011

My Femeo Experience



Some time ago, I received an email about this site that is part of bayt.com which is a site where you can find and apply for jobs through it .

I personally like such sites because of the rising of the unemployment rate in the country and all over the middle east. The change in the working atmosphere all over the world, so by not having a place to go work for, why not work at home probably or in a different position that what you have been studying to be. 
And I guess that mostly women in Saudi Arabia may benefit from such sites because of the huge unemployment among them and the only possibility of hiring is by being teachers. 
Plus, I am personally looking for a job to have another income. 


Back to the email, let's quote from it what is this site about : 

"At Bayt.com, our main goal is to empower people in the region to help them lead the lifestyle of their choice. The MENA region, unfortunately, has the worst track record in the world for women in the workplace, which obviously reflects on society in general. Here is a World Bank report about the topic: http://info.worldbank.org/etools/docs/library/206520/Assaad%20presentation%20WB%20LM%20conf.pdf


We are launching Femeo (http://femeo.bayt.com
), a community aiming to help and empower working women in the Middle East. We offer daily tips and advice, a networking section, and Career Assessments. It is available in both Arabic and English.



The service is a 100% free to any woman who is interested." 



So the site Femeo.bayt.com is a site mainly for women looking for a job. 

When you first log on to the site, you will be greeted with 10 question with the title
 ( What talent should you lean next)
It's a very simple quiz with a result that may surprise you. I was very surprise to know that the talent I should learn next might be in sport,any kind of sport !!. 
when i think about it, it's indeed a hidden passion for me but i always believed that i wont be good for sport !!
 maybe i am wrong, maybe it's something i could successes in !! 


Of course, you should sign up for an account or you could sign for your account in bayt.com if you have one.
when you sign in, there is a dashboard with : Recommended Quizzes, Advice Column, Tips and Articles,Your community,You shelf and From Leading Women. 

Personally I liked the "Career Assessment" at the top bar. 


The site said to be "by them"
 " مجتمع النساء العاملات في الشرق الاوسط" 
"The Community for Working Women in The Middle East" 


P.S: I haven't got a dime to post about this site, I just thought it may be useful for Arab women or women in the Middle East in general. If you like it go visit it. I am closing comment on this post .

Sabtu, 27 Agustus 2011

I Got My First Hate Email :)


Some did try to trick me before or portrait me as against Islam, but this is my real first hate mail, 
I just hope it's a true and honest  . lol 

Don't worry , I am posting it below so you can enjoy the fun :) 

Hey hater, I am giving you the special treatment: a post, a label and the red color. 


just because you are ugly short and practically a loser and men don't like you you shouldn't say bad words about men
i cannot belive you stand up for "women's rights", that's just disgusting
women suck and should not be allowed to even walk out of the house
i love it how you, an ugly depressed little human, try to compensate your ugliness and lonliness with books & stuff

=)
you are so pathetic it's gross
i am so glad you are trapped in saudi
i kinda like this country

From CaNT TouCh WaT ShiNeZ


I wonder what's that shine that can not  be touched !! 


I can say a lot to this person, but let me say this even if I am :

ugly and short, 

loser,

men don't like me, 

stand up for "women's right" 

,little human,

depressed,

 pathetic,

gross 

and trapped in Saudi 

at least I don't send hate emails to people I hardly know, people I keep visiting their sites. 
I spread love my dear, not hate. And if you are as brave then comment below with a name and an address so we can read your "wisdom" :) 

 I don't mind being called all the above but not "trapped in Saudi", do you like reminding me of my misery , huh ?  :) 

You will always be special to me for being my first "hate email" , do you believe how pathetic I am that I got my first "hate email" on the eve of my blogger second anniversary...oh that would make you even more special, 



P.S: I will keep your email save with me 

PP.S: The sender is from America, from California specifically :(
So sad, I was thinking of visiting it one day :(  
unless he/she is using a program to bypass a proxy !!!!
I wonder why he/she used the term "stupid" to describe me, cuz he/she know I am smart, the previous two lines proves it, lol 

Blogging Decision




It's very simple, you either have some courtesy and give answers to the comment below your post. Or close the comment section altogether. If you can not answer the comment for some reason, then simply explain that.

If you just want people to praise you and show how great you are without the least saying "thank you", then you are the worst kind of people. No good writer is good without interaction with people, being among them and listening to their voices. unless you have a thousand comment then you are not excused from answering t. And even so be nice and say "thanks for all the above comment and I appreciate them".

If you wont answer your comment then I wont follow you or read you, it's a personal blogging decision. Because honestly I can not follow and listen to someone whose words are wisdom but actions aren't speaking the same words. I can find a better person to listen to and enjoy who would respect me and answer me.

Oh and please don't take days to answer a comment, it's not like you are a president who is SO busy running his/her country.

Again, if for any reason can not answer your comment section, then please close it :)
Off to clean so many lists.


P.S: sorry for the hash words, but I can not stand disrespect.

Jumat, 26 Agustus 2011

Happy Second Anniversary


My blog is two years old in two days. the 29th of August. 

Happy Second Anniversary to my blog :) 

Kamis, 25 Agustus 2011

Islam

First of all, let me explain quickly about comments. 
I am a very crazy person and each time I become so obsess with something and recently or probably always I am obsessed with comments. I keep log on to my blog to see if there are any new comments on the dashboard !!. 
This drove me nuts, so the best thing for me right now is to "don't allow" them. Yes, I can have notification of new comments be sent to my email instead of keep checking here, but then my craziness will be shifted towards another place "my email". 



Now to my topic which is "Islam".


I do a have roller coaster experience with my religion. Belonging to a family which is not religious and have your own mind is a tricky business. 


I taught myself how to pray, my parents used not to pray. I took a book and started step by step until i learned it. Growing up, I was mostly what we call here a "religious" person who is the one keeps talking about religion all the time, don't listen to music or watch movies and keep reminding you of the wrongs and rights in Islam.


That phase didn't last long, I was young in and out of it. 
Then came a period which I am not proud of but wont beat my self over cuz it's the past. I don't like it though. But even then I was worried about "haram and halal". 




Forward to the university period ,during that time of "finding yourself and your path", I read lots of books and one of them was of a huge interest to me. BTW, books have always been my guide.
I don't believe in censoring but that book I would recommend to. I
t's the ONLY book that make me believe that "we are all infidels", all of us even Muslims. 
About a year ago, the Saudi government started pulling that book from all school libraries , good job.


After that, things started to be clearer to me. I want to love my religion but I don't want to hate or judge anyone else. I hate hate, irony, huh ? 




Finally, came my huge connection to the internet. Most of the sites I keep logging in were Saudis with lots of religion. To understand the "Saudi Islam" you are going to spend a life time. Islam "the Saudi way" is a horrible religion "excuse my words". There is a huge concentration on "punishments, hell fire and labeling". 
You have to know that "we" are the true religion,"we"are the true sect. Everyone else will go to hell. You too will if you are not in this "we".Everyone else is an "infidels" and lots of names-you wont  understand even if you were a speaker of the language- thrown at ever single one who doesn't agree with them. 


The problem to me and to many is that I can not take orders without asking and arguing. 
They say, you can not say "no" to an order from Allah. They say they speak Allah'w words. But then you read the Quran with lots of questions and arguing about basic things and no one is ever punished for that !! 
There is no "priesthood" in Islam, then let me find "my way".

The position of women in Islam was a very big problem, too. I mean how can I love a religion that basically blames me for everything and consider me as a second class. And I can not even argue or ask.What about covering our faces?. Marriage?. Custody of children? ...etc. 

The funny thing is how they keep talking about prophet Muhammad being a very kind person, a smiling, a forgiving while they are grumpy and full of hate. The hate in the message itself was very repulsive to me.


So many people at work kept telling me how surprise they are with me for being "this believer and depended" on Allah and yet being who I am, meaning listening to music, watching movies, being friendly with she3a and the worst "plucking my eyebrows". 


I don't think Wahabism gave Saudi Arabia a bad name, but rather Saudi Arabia gave Wahabism a bad name. BTW, everything you hear about Wahabism is the truth. 




I couldn't find the other point of view. We are a country of "one color" !!
Later on,I found them but mostly online. I was happy to find them, here are the "other", those who are willing to fight against the sheikhs...but.... they were on the extreme opposite. Not only "no religion" but "no respect" for Allah and prophet Muhammad and I love them. Can you tell me your point of view without an insult !!




Where is the way out of all of this?
This make me feel so lonely. I don't belong here or there. I am sure there are a lot like me but so far I can not find them. 


Let's cut this journey shorter and land on the recent time.
This Arabic revolution especially "The Egyptian" one makes some things possible. It allows me to read and listen to another view about Islam. A view I have heard about before, liked but couldn't grasp more of it and I did. 


I don't know if this is healthy or not, but I guess to reach "your way", you will need sometime on earth and lots of digging.  


Now, for sure I know that for example, not every woman who isn't covering her face is bad, yesterday at the mall, I saw a great action of one and lived the generosity of one of them when she offered to remove my cart away for me, with a huge smile on her face :) 




I have been away from my religion for a while, honestly because I reached the point of not understanding it, of the complexity of it. This Ramadan, it was different. I finished the Quran which I neglected for a long time. 




I don't care how others live their life. I live mine the way I want. At the end only Allah will judge me.
I care less about the labeling of people and who is a Muslim and who is not. If I have the right to love my Islam, then they have the same right to love their "Christianity"" Judaism" "Buddhism" or any other religion on Earth and have never heard of it, or not believe at all. 
Oh yea and I will love them too :) 


I will try to do the duty of my religion and I will fail, but that's OK. I wont stop asking, arguing and looking for the answers. I am sure I will die with so many questions about Islam that I wont have the time or the ability to be understand.  




Believe me there is a huge walk on the lane of guilt Islam too. 




Finally,I want to send a special thank you to Haitham, again for the great links for Al-sha3rawi.
You will never knew how much you helped me with those links. 


P.S: long time ago I wanted to apologize for the lack of my words and the repetition of many of them , so sorry for the headache I cause you every time you read  :) 

Rabu, 24 Agustus 2011

The Man


A string of confessions...



He came a very long time ago...
I was thirteen...
Just realizing the troubles at home...
understanding the sexual abuse...
and many more..

I was obsessed with eating dry milk with lots of sugar and reading the Arabic "Reader's Digest"..
and then going to sleep...
was it summer... I can not remember !!

And the day dreaming and the imaginary friend came hand in hand...
I was way older for imaginary friends..but on time for day dreaming.

At first, he was the one lover who will take me away from pain and sorrow.
And I was the perfect girl combining of many different girls...

But the troubles didn't stop....and then I was the trouble...
and he refused to leave....

He was there....his name never changed...
I gave him a foreign name...I liked foreign music 
Reader's digest was telling me how great life was in America...
American were the best...
They loved woman...respect her and protect her...
So he was/is American...

I was in and out of love in a society where love is cursed and forbidden...
but he was there...

I tired to kill my self...
and he was still there...

Damn how time pass by so quickly...
And he is still there ...

People hated me..
hit me...
used me...
disrespected me..
but he never did..


And damn how time passed by...
And he is still there...


I tried to get rid of him once..
but he came to my night dreams..


Does he love me as much as I do ?


How can I let him go ...
he is the only one by my side...

When i want to drink something and die..
when i want to cut my hand...
when i want to take all these pills...
when i want to open the window and just fall..
when i want to drink something to die...


He is always there...
making way for me...
showing me the beauty of the world..
and make me smile...



The official result..
I am a crazy lady...
who still have an imaginary friend...


An imaginary friend....
who grow up to be his own self...
and I still can not be my own...

I need him...
Does he needs me...

I am crazy...
And wont get rid of him...



P.S: I stopped all comments for now and probably the upcoming posts for a reason...
it's not that I don't need your feedback and opinion...but...

I Hate My Face



A string of confessions....



Yes, I do..
I hate my face... and I hate looking at it..
I hate my body, too... but that's another story.

I don't hate my face because I am ugly..
I actually don't know if I am ugly or pretty..
What most people keep telling me is that " you are pretty..mashAllah" <
but on a personal note...I don't believe them...


I hate my face..
because I look exactly like "my eldest sister" !!


And I don't love my eldest sister 
for so many reasons...


because she lies to me....probably.
because she treats us in a shitty way...mostly
because she care less about us...all the time
and when she care...she cares her "twisted" way...


I hate being her..
I hate when ANYONE sees me thinks for any amount of time..that I am..she is.


Why can not people be happy to see me in me ..
not her in me...


Did I say that I don't love my sister because 
right now...
she is not talking to the rest of us...for a problem not caused by the half the rest of us..
and that stopped us from seeing her kids "whom we love dearly"...
her 16 year old son had to come pick up things from me secretly...


Did I say that I ONLY hate my face JUST because of my sister !!
She is the 99% reason why...

I will keep the 1% for me.


P.S: I stopped all comments for now and probably the upcoming posts for a reason...
it's not that I don't need your feedback and opinion...but...

Sin of Omission


A string of confessions....


Most of the time...that's me...that's what I do when I feel sad, upset or frustrated... 

and then I regretted and try to fix what I like most...
I do it here and I do it in my daily life...
People start to think I am weird ...
they rarely realize that I am actually looking for attention my own way..

Yes, I am guilty... 
and that's my sin...

The most strange thing is that I truly hate it when people do notice me
or take interest in me...

Is it a riddle ?
nope, it's just the sin of omission 
of being neglected for so long...
of being left out...


P.S: I stopped all comments for now and probably the upcoming posts for a reason...
it's not that I don't need your feedback and opinion...but...

Senin, 22 Agustus 2011

Minggu, 21 Agustus 2011

If This Picture Doesn't Move Your Heart ...


If you are in Saudi Arabia, then tomorrow is your chance to help, please donate..

Mulmillo (L) closes the eyes of her two-year-old son Mahmud moments after he died from malnutrition and related complications at a local hospital in Somalia's capital Mogadishu on August 15, 2011. Mulmillo, her husband and three children fled their village in the Lower Shabelle region of southern Somalia and came to Mogadishu in search for a refuge from a severe drought in the region. More than 100,000 people have fled to Mogadishu from other drought-struck Somalia regions in search of food and water, but insecurity in one of the world's most dangerous cities is hampering aid flows. Some 12 million people in parts of Ethiopia, Djibouti, Kenya, Uganda and Somalia are in danger of starvation in the wake of the region's worst drought in decades. AFP PHOTO / ROBERTO SCHMIDT

About Somalia


ONE HUNDRED FUNDRAISING IDEAS


UN: 300,000 Children At 'Risk Of Dying' In Somalia


Somalia: No Time to Waste in Mogadishu









Sabtu, 20 Agustus 2011

Four Tags ( Part Four )




Just so you would know how lazy i am, i have been tagged four times since March this year and have not answer any yet. 
For those who have tagged me, I am so sorry for the delay :) 

And here they are ...according to the date. 


*****

Fourth:

Seven special Posts by Becky.

What are the seven special posts I have written ?

1) The Most Beautiful Post .
Again, I would say " A letter to my mother"
I honestly would love to read to her, I know she would be touched but she doesn't know anything about the blog and I would like to keep it this way. The good thing is that she knows how much she means to me and she is sure of it. 
I wrote this letter on "Mother's Day" 2010. 


2) The Most Popular Post.
depending on stats to pick this one would be not cool, cuz the popular ones are the ones that are articles I re-published here(with the link of course)
but for the ones I wrote...
the ones I wrote when my father were admitted to the hospital three weeks prior to his death, god so many people were kind and nice and wanted to know and ask for an update :) 
I was so mad when i wrote this post, I was mad at my dad especially for neglecting his health 
-i guess it runs in the family- 
He passed away three weeks and three days after his last sickness. Little did we know that that night at day was the last day we were speaking to him !!


3) The Most controversial Post.
That would definitely be "Ramadan and I"
The typical me was very afraid to approach topics I know might hurt others and to speak candidly about how I feel about Ramadan, something i have not even done in real life, would be too much. But I did and post it and got good and bad comments, but as always I got huge support from people who wish me another great experience that time-which was Ramadan last year- . Guess what ? Ramadan this year is way better, I guess your prayers, support and kind words were answered :) 


4) The Most Helpful Post.
I wouldn't name one here, but I think most of the articles I re-published here were helpful in someway.And I hope that any personal post would be helpful to a silent someone out there. 


5)The Post That Was Surprisingly Successful. 
That would be " Mecca Clock". Who would care about the tallest clock actually. I was so mad and still about the whole stupid project but everywhere you turn people were so happy about it and the post was just a vent. But was surprisingly successful.


6) The Post That Did Not Get The Attention It Deserved
All the posts that was left without a comment especially the "poverty ones" didn't get the deserved they deserved, but one look at the stat and it would show you that people actually read but maybe they don't have anything to say or aren't used to comment or don't like to comment. I do that sometimes on other blogs. 
So as long as they are read, then they have reached someone's heat and mind hopefully :)


7) The Post I Am Proud Of 
Do you really know how many people know that I have been molested or been hit in the real life? 
a few to be counted in one hand. 
So imagine the fear I have deciding to write about "My Brothers and I" !!
But I did, the fear here were doubled than when I wrote about Ramadan. Our societies are not used to being open to such stories, they are better be buried. It was OK knowing that you are not  being blamed for everyone's problem. In away I proves to my self that I am a strong. Still struggling yes but will pass it all.
That post wasn't possible without the support i got from "Hala" an amazing Saudi lady who started this small projects about our brothers and which involved some other Saudi bloggers.  






tough tag to do Becky , it brought up all these previous emotions i have when i posted the above, but thanks a lot  :)

and sorry for the delay 


If anyone is interested, consider yourself tagged. 


**********

Four Tags ( Part Three )


Just so you would know how lazy i am, i have been tagged five times since March this year and have not answer any yet. 
For those who have tagged me, I am so sorry for the delay :) 

And here they are ...according to the date. 


*****

Third: 

Inspirational Posts by Somalian Princess 


As Naz explained " I think I am supposed to find Inspirational posts which I wrote"

So let me find an inspirational post i wrote..

It's probably going to be 

"A Letter to my mother", 

It says ..

Dear Mother,

Tomorrow is the beginning of the Spring season and we Arabs couldn't find a better day to celebrate your day . Arabs are geniuses :) .

You were there in the heat of the summer when we had no extra money to pay for the coolness of the air conditioner but you never mind working, cleaning and sleeping in the heat so we would enjoy the cold breeze. And when we had a bit of extra money , you still wouldn't use the air conditioner so we can save that extra money .

And you were there in the winter when we couldn't pay for the heater , you borrowed money so we would be warm. You didn't stop cooking hot meals so we won't feel cold, they have to be hot all the time as you say.

You were there in the fall when no one cares. I was born in the fall , do you remember that ?, did you know that our life will be like the naked merciless trees in the fall . Facing the world alone. Is that why you stay ? , is that why you kept having faith in your sons and daughters?

Mother, i know that i was born when you were only thirty. What were your dreams back then? .
Did you dream of a better husband? . Did you wish you had the opportunity to study and work so you can count on no one ? . Did you have any dreams at all ? . Mother, Can you believe that i do not know of any of your dreams !!!

you can read the rest here 



I love this post, thanks Naz for reminding me of it and sorry for the delay 

If anyone is interested, consider yourself tagged. 



**********
P.S: the last one is following...