On Thursday night, my eldest sister travel over 1000km with her three kids to visit us in this short holiday , and she just left. The whole house is upset and sad and they were so sad too, she left crying while her kids try to resist the leave but .... .
And of course, all due to her stupid husband who called and order them to leave today . That's why i can not respect or love this man. He is so stupid and controlling while pretending this whole i am a religious man. I hate him for making every one's happiness cut short, yes we know it's gonna last probably up to the coming Thursday but today!!!! it's not even half the day !!! .
I would never marry and let someone control me and deny me the basic and simple pleasure. I know for some this means nothing but things are piling and we have not seen them for almost 5 months .
My sister is not an Innocent either andthe problem with her is that she put it all on the kids, he yell and treat her badly and she vent it all on them , whom i know -from being around them- will go into the same cycle we have been in , no respect, no trust, no security, no self respect and no love ..and much more.
I just wish that those three will survive their parents way way better than us or their mother who couldn't escaped the cycle.
Aw man, that just stinks! I hate when people treat others like the way you described your sister's husband. Ugh! :-(
BalasHapusIt is a shame indeed!
BalasHapusعلى الرغم من أني أجيد أربع لغات وأحدها الإنغليزية التي هي لغة مدونتك ولكني سأكتب بالعربي.لست هنا للتعليق على ماكتبتي ولكني لم أجد أي مكان آخر أكتب فيه كم هي جميلة مدونتك وبسيطة ومباشرةوعلى قولهم
BalasHapustwo thumbs up
مالقيت لها بالعربي ولكن حقيقة أني أقرأكثيرا و أعلق قليلا ولكنك أجبرتني على التعليق.
عموما تحياتي
وليس كل الرجال مثل زوج أختك
It is a cyclical thing. My brother and I have escaped it for the most part. My sister has not and has made things rather rough on her own children.
BalasHapusParents need to realise when they do these things they are really setting their own kids up for a miserable life.
a very weak man just practising his belief of power over who is helpless, may god give the kids strength to not fall under the same spell when they are a little older
BalasHapussusanne, i hate them, too and unfortanetly we have quiet a few of them around here.
BalasHapusPoet, indeed
ابونايف,
شكرا على اطرائك و كلامك المشجع وسعيدة ان المدونه اعجبتك. شكرا مرة اخرى
و بالتاكيد ليس كل الزجال مثله و اكنهم موجودن بكثرة هنا,صح؟
ابوسنان, everytime i look at them i wish they would escape this cycle. it's a trap and need a lot of power to get out of it.
melicieuse,Amen dear :)
Wafa'
BalasHapusOff topic, you keep shocking me with your honesty and candidness. I wish more people would call things with their real names and never hide under Sugar Coating.
Now about this very post, it’s sad and frustrating but truly enquiring! This type of men you described is everywhere. And as much as pathetic I see them, I always look for a justifying analysis to their behavior!! Now I feel maybe there isn’t any! They just chose to act that obnoxious.
I pray that Allah help those kids and give you all peace and strength ya rab.
Faith, thanx a lot dear :)
BalasHapusAnd you know i used to be like this, trying to analyzing their behavior and actions, but sometimes they hurt so much that you can not look beyong those actions.
I will always pray for their strength . Thanx for your prayers, you are amazing woman :)
that is horrible!
BalasHapusthe sad thing is, that you cant interfere.
but you can maybe talk to your sister...let her know you see the pattern, and to please think of her children.
marraige is supposed to be a positive thing. you compliment your spouse...make each other happy.
please dont give up on love wafa'!
not all men are that way.
i wish you could come to the states...you spirit is so pure...but at the same time you are a realist, we could find you so many perfect men here..and you get your choice :)
That sounds like a sad situation. :( I think it's hard in a marriage, when the husband says his way is the way things are going to go and doesn't care about what the wife wants/feels - in more traditional marriages the husband really has the ultimate say.
BalasHapusI am so sorry to hear of your sisters struggle within her marriage! And I am sure it is even more bothersome to you because you feel powerless! :(
BalasHapusAll that I can say is just pray for her and her kids and Insha'Allah, of course, Allah will choose the best for them! I will keep them in my prayers as well! :)
How old are the kids, if I may ask?
I honestly don't know how that happened but sorry for posting twice! lol I think I probably clicked too much! Who knows?
BalasHapusangie, i wish i can talk but you are not allowed to and you can not tell the kids what to do or you will be doing something bad, too. it's so stupid.
BalasHapusthank you for thinking of me dear :)
Manal, Thank you for your prayers dear :) . They are teenagers now but i like to think of them as kids, and you know how teenagers are treated in here even if they are a bit old. The boys are 19 and 15. the girl is 13. She has two more kids but they are mentally disabled :(
and it's ok dear, you can click as much as you know. i am here to delete, lol :)
Aynur, it's traditional one like most marriages in here. and it's very sad.
BalasHapusI just want to get the picture clear..she came on Thursday and she left the same day? why did she come then?
BalasHapusHowever, I think ur sister takes blame for the way he treats her..she should stand for her rights and agree with him on a few basics that guide their life together...
But let us be fair..it's vacation..he wants to be with his wife on holidays too..right?
For me, on this short vacation, my mother asked me to stay at the family's house for a couple of days, but I said no..i paid them a short visit and went off with my kids and hubby...we need time together as a family and this is a good chance for us...my mother has my father and my single brother who lives with them, but my husband and kids have no one but me...
Sometimes staying with your husband is not that bad (if u know what i mean) ;)
calm down and don't let the (surface) of your sister's life affect you...she's probably enjoying her time with him now and u r burning for no real reason...marriage is very complicated and it's better off without any third party's judgement or interference...
thanks
Maha Noor Elahi
Maha, i have always blamed her not standing up for him. And noway i was interfering but when you know what their real marriage is , then you wish to interfere, and believe me i know exactly what kind of marriage is. i am her sister after all. And i know this vacation is short but it was not about the holiday, it was about the way he is treating her and how it's affecting their kids, cuz i stopped caring about these two along time ago.
BalasHapusYou are lucky to be in a good marriage but not all have that.
glad that you passed by :)
@Maha,
BalasHapus"I think ur sister takes blame for the way he treats her"
I am sorry but I think this statement is quite bogus. No one is to blame for the way they are being treated by another human being, EVER!
If that is the case, then what you are saying is and this is an example: a child living in abuse day in and day out deserves to be beaten and sometimes killed because they were loud or just being kids. After all, they CAUSED the parent to hit them because they were just being kids, LOUD AND PLAYFUL thus disturbed the parents peace, right?
It doesn't make sense. I think, first of all, Wafa would know 100% what's going on in her sisters marriage and second, I don't believe she interfered in any way.
If this guy was decent enough, he would have never ever dragged her away from her family within such a short period of time while she was visiting her family period! Besides, other than it is just odd that he did that, it's plain rude and insulting to the family!
To me, this is someone who is selfish and extremely self centered (key word, he is CONTROLLING). He probably wanted his wife back to cater to him NOT out of love and affection or because he missed her or the kids!!!
And on another note, I think you are right! Of course she should stand up to him and never take his BS. But let's be honest here, how many women can really be able to stand up for their rights and ask to be treated fairly in the Middle East and specifically, Saudi??? Just my opinion........
Manal, yea that line upset me, too. and i agree with what you said, no one deserves to be treated badly no matter what they do.
BalasHapus@manal
BalasHapusNo need to be that furious ...we all agree that no one deserves to be treated badly, but ur example is irrelevant...children are helpless; while an adult woman can speak for herself...I am not looking at wafa's story only; i am looking at the bigger picture...I am completely against husbands who treat their wives in a bad way, but I also hate the victim's role that so many women play...it is easier for them isn't? to weep and cry and blame the bad bad man...wafa's sister will probably remain like this for the rest of her life if she doesn't stand for her right to be treated as a human being..some men just need to be taught the hard way...
Besides, we didn't hear the other side of the story, so how can we pass a fair judgment?
Again, any marriage problem must be solved by the husband and the wife, and if there should be a third party, it should be the three trying to solve the problem (together) after they've listened to each other very well...
I am not saying that Wafa is interfering in a bad way, but sometimes good intentions are not enough...change comes from within...if wafa's sister is not really convinced that she needs to change her the way her husband treats her, then there is no point in the whole discussion... wafa's interference in this way will only make her sister feel worse and more miserable which will not lead to any change...
I hate submissive and passive attitudes in life and i believe women can change their conditions if they want to ...it's just that they are too lazy to put an effort to educate their men on how to treat them ... they prefer the situation "as long as he's feeding me and the kids, then this is a blessing!"
Wafa,
Probably your sister needs to be educated about her rights from an Islamic perspective and then she can use this knowledge to defend herself...
Thanks
Maha Noor Elahi
Maha, i don't know if women can change their husband's way of treatment , why ? because some men are tough to deal with and some women are just weak. why ? because most times this is the way people are raised in here.
BalasHapusI have seen so many and we are-me and my sisters- were some of these people.
Maha, if you know me well, you will know how fair and non-judjmental person i am but unfortanetly you don't ,so you assume i am interfering.
Anyway, it was just a complain and i was sad and wanted to write about the tough time i faced and how i felt towards-mostly-my nephews and niece. That's all :). beside that's what i do here in my blog -if you check my other posts- i complain a lot and mostly about my life cuz this is the only way i have .
Women's right needs a lot of discussion and maybe a million topics and i guess we are not going to agree on most , but i always apprciate your inputs and discussion :) .
Thank you , too.
first of all, I didn't say you are not fair. Actually, I don't know your sister nor her husband, so I might be the one who is not fair :) all that I am saying is that the way your looking at the problem is wrong. There are many other ways to deal with such problems. You are complaining and you believe - like your sister- that women are weak and cannot change their lives. THAT is the real problem. Instead of complaining about a bad situation, find a solution because complaining wont' take you any where. you might find many people who sympathize with you and your sister, but that won't change your lives; it will only make you feel better for a short while and the problem will still not be solved.
BalasHapusWafa, I've known people who made out of their miserable lives many good things. It's in your hands. Believe "YOU ARE the CHANGE, and you WILL change." I don't know everything about you and I don't know your life circumstances, but believe me I've know a lot of young girls like you who could make a change despite their difficult life conditions.
Of course, women's rights here needs a lot of work; no body is saying that we are living in paradise, but being passive and complaining all the time won't take us anywhere.
The first thing they need to have is good education, and that's what men need, too.
anyway, I've talked too much :)
thanks and sorry if i didn't make any point clear.
Maha Noor Elahi
Maha, you have made yur points very clear. and like you i have talked a lot. But that line ( You are complaining and you believe - like your sister- that women are weak and cannot change their lives) and ( Instead of complaining about a bad situation, find a solution because complaining wont' take you any where. you might find many people who sympathize with you and your sister, but that won't change your lives; ) were very not true and very harsh and out of line seriously and since you really don't know me well then you should not have said them, but you did.
BalasHapusAnyhow, i don't want to talk anymore so let's stop arguing cuz :)
@Maha,
BalasHapusContrary to your perception that I am furious, I think you need to take a look at the way you address your comments and advice.
Your intentions are perhaps decent yet the way you comment and suggest advice to people is coming out extremely cold and callus.
If I were you, I would suggest you think twice about the way you talk to people!! Certainly, and I don't mean to sound rude here just honest, you might need to work a tad bit on empathy and compassion!
Also, please realize that sure you are addressing women's rights, yet, you are also forgetting you are talking about a place with VERY limited abilities to have the freedom to speak up and fight for one's rights.
Always keep that in the back of your mind and when you meet women in dire situations, the automatic assumption shouldn't be that she is "submissive and passive".
Let's be reasonable and realize that the man involved could be just a plain jerk and the woman doesn't know how to get out of her situation because she can't find the support necessary to get out of that situation or she is worried about her children being taken away, which is often the case!
@Maha,
BalasHapusYou need to work a bit on your social skills. You think you are being helpful, but the way you present things is more liable to turn people off than anything else.
You also need to keep in mind that Saudi is a society where women are RAISED to be submissive and meek. The Saudi women who are not like this are the exception, rather than the rule.
Also keep in mind that there can be a heavy price to pay in Saudi society for those women who step outside of the standard cultural place for women and that many women just dont want to pay that price.
Can women stand up? Sure, but the costs can be heavy. At the end of the day the responsiblity is on the men who created this system and perpetuate it.
Sarah, I am sorry but i got to delete your comment. if you got anything personal against Manal or abu sinan then go say it at their blogs. go ahead attack me if you want but leave my guests out of it. Thank you :)
BalasHapus