Healthy relationships are characterized by respect, sharing and trust. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal and that the power and control in the relationship are equally shared. Some of the characteristics of healthy relationships are:
Respect: Listening to one another, valuing each other's opinions, and listening in a non-judgmental manner. Respect also involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions.
Trust and Support: Supporting each other's goals in life, and respecting each other's right to his/her own feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. Valuing one's partner as an individual.
Honesty and Accountability: Communicating openly and truthfully, admitting mistakes or being wrong, acknowledging past use of violence, and accepting responsibility for one's self.
Shared Responsibility: Making family/relationship decisions together, mutually agreeing on a distribution of work which is fair to both partners. If parents, the couple shares parental responsibilities and acts as positive, non-violent role models for the children.
Economic Partnership: In marriage or cohabitation, making financial decisions together, and making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.
Negotiation and Fairness: Being willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict.
Negotiation and Fairness: Being willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict.
Non-threatening Behavior: Talking and acting in a way that promotes both partners' feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing him/herself and in engaging in activities.
Boundaries:-
Boundaries are important in determining the health of a relationship. Boundaries clarify where you stop and where I begin, which problems belong to you and which problems belong to me. What are boundaries? "Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to se mental, physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what is not..." (Dr. Henry Cloud)
Each of us has boundaries, some of which go unspoken, in many areas of our lives. We set boundaries in regard to physical proximity and touch, the words that are acceptable when we are spoken to, honesty, emotional intimacy (such as how much we self-disclose to others). When one of both people in a relationship has difficulty with boundaries, the relationship suffers. The following behaviours indicate a potential problem in setting and enforcing boundaries.
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Telling all
Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting
Falling in love with a new acquaintance
Falling in love with anyone who reaches out
Being overwhelmed by a person (preoccupied thinking about them)
Acting on the first sexual impulse
Being sexual for a partner, not yourself
Going against personal values or rights to please others
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want
Touching a person without asking
Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
Letting others describe your reality
Letting others define you
Believing others can anticipate your needs
Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically
Falling apart so someone will take care of you
Boundaries are important in determining the health of a relationship. Boundaries clarify where you stop and where I begin, which problems belong to you and which problems belong to me. What are boundaries? "Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to se mental, physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what is not..." (Dr. Henry Cloud)
Each of us has boundaries, some of which go unspoken, in many areas of our lives. We set boundaries in regard to physical proximity and touch, the words that are acceptable when we are spoken to, honesty, emotional intimacy (such as how much we self-disclose to others). When one of both people in a relationship has difficulty with boundaries, the relationship suffers. The following behaviours indicate a potential problem in setting and enforcing boundaries.
Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
Telling all
Talking at an intimate level on the first meeting
Falling in love with a new acquaintance
Falling in love with anyone who reaches out
Being overwhelmed by a person (preoccupied thinking about them)
Acting on the first sexual impulse
Being sexual for a partner, not yourself
Going against personal values or rights to please others
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex that you don't want
Touching a person without asking
Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
Letting others describe your reality
Letting others define you
Believing others can anticipate your needs
Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically
Falling apart so someone will take care of you
Long Term Commitment: The inclusion of this as the very first point indicates the importance of commitment towards a relationship. An absence of it can lead to frustration, anger and infidelity sooner or later in the relationship. A vision of the future of the relationship is what binds people together.
Like Each Other: People choose partners based on the common interests, passion and thought processes. Although liking each other may sound quite simplistic, it is quite an important factor for a successful relationship. Most people stick on to a bad relationship just because they feel they cannot get anyone better. Thus it is a good idea to probe into your partner’s mind questioning simple things like interests, hobbies, career goals. This will make it easier for you to understand the person and whether you want to spend your life with him or her.
Communication: Without proper communication a relationship can never thrive. Hidden resentments need to be vented out or else they can poison any relationship. This of course involves talking as well as listening. While most people are good at venting out their emotions and feelings, only a handful of people actually LISTEN. Hear out what your partner has to say, understand his or her decisions and then put forth your viewpoint. Encouraging your partner to listen and listening when he or she has something to say makes the other person feel appreciated and special.
Spend Time Together: As our schedules become hectic and children take a significant portion of our time and attention, spending quality time together can slip down our list of priorities. However, it is important to find time for one another. Remember the time when you fell in love. The urgency and need to meet the other person may not be sustainable in the long run but spending time on a daily basis is just as important one year down the line as it was when you first fell head over heels in love with him or her.
Arguments: Arguments are a part of life and any relationship will have its set of misunderstandings. Remember that you are two different individuals with separate thought processes and relationships issues are bound to crop up sometime. So arguing is just a part of human nature and is a way of flexing individual personalities. However, it is a good idea to understand your limits in an argument. Physical and verbal abuse is a crime and should not be resorted to in any circumstance.
Communication: Without proper communication a relationship can never thrive. Hidden resentments need to be vented out or else they can poison any relationship. This of course involves talking as well as listening. While most people are good at venting out their emotions and feelings, only a handful of people actually LISTEN. Hear out what your partner has to say, understand his or her decisions and then put forth your viewpoint. Encouraging your partner to listen and listening when he or she has something to say makes the other person feel appreciated and special.
Spend Time Together: As our schedules become hectic and children take a significant portion of our time and attention, spending quality time together can slip down our list of priorities. However, it is important to find time for one another. Remember the time when you fell in love. The urgency and need to meet the other person may not be sustainable in the long run but spending time on a daily basis is just as important one year down the line as it was when you first fell head over heels in love with him or her.
Arguments: Arguments are a part of life and any relationship will have its set of misunderstandings. Remember that you are two different individuals with separate thought processes and relationships issues are bound to crop up sometime. So arguing is just a part of human nature and is a way of flexing individual personalities. However, it is a good idea to understand your limits in an argument. Physical and verbal abuse is a crime and should not be resorted to in any circumstance.
Affection: Simple things like holding hands, a hug and even a smile can light up our lives. Keep the chemistry alive by taking her out on long romantic drives or cooking him a romantic dinner.
Acceptance: Change is inevitable in our lives and over a period of time everyone and almost everything changes. While some may be easier to accept, others may be difficult for a couple to adjust to. However, remember that in every successful relationship adapting to changes and accepting them is a part of our lives.
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Both partners give and take, each getting their way some of the time and compromising some of the time.
They respect each other, and value one another's opinions.
They trust one another, and learn not to inflict jealous and restrictive feelings on the other if they should arise.
Neither is afraid of the other.
They communicate openly and honestly, and make their partners feel safe in expressing themselves.
They share responsibility in decision-making.
They accept the differences between them.
They encourage each other to have friends and activities outside the relationship.
Adapted from What Parents Need to Know About Dating Violence
Basic Rights in a Relationship:-
The right to emotional support
The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy
The right to have your own point of view, even if it differs from your partner's
The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
The right to live free form accusation and blame
The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
The right to live free from criticism and judgment
The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered
Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
Both partners give and take, each getting their way some of the time and compromising some of the time.
They respect each other, and value one another's opinions.
They trust one another, and learn not to inflict jealous and restrictive feelings on the other if they should arise.
Neither is afraid of the other.
They communicate openly and honestly, and make their partners feel safe in expressing themselves.
They share responsibility in decision-making.
They accept the differences between them.
They encourage each other to have friends and activities outside the relationship.
Adapted from What Parents Need to Know About Dating Violence
Basic Rights in a Relationship:-
The right to emotional support
The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy
The right to have your own point of view, even if it differs from your partner's
The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
The right to live free form accusation and blame
The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
The right to live free from criticism and judgment
The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered
Your celebrating love posts are really great! Lots of good stuff! :)
BalasHapusSusanne, thanx dear. i am glad you love them :)
BalasHapus