My Mother

Two days ago, my mother came to sleep in my bedroom, yes i do live with my family because in Saudi Arabia it's a custom to stay with your family if you are not married . Anyway, she couldn't sleep , though she was so tired , fasting and just finished cooking and cleaning the house. she started to cry and sob and wouldn't stop though i did my best to sooth her ,eventually she left the room when she couldn't sleep. Some of the few things she said that it was my father, i already knew that .
They have been married for over 45 years now and she didn't love him at all, she even hate him.
I keep cursing the rules in this brutal country for all the rules that made and still making women second class citizen. i blame her parents for not giving her the chance to go to school and maybe have a career, to choose this man to be her husband -arranged marriage- .
i hate my father for everything he did and still doing to her.
i blame her for not leaving but it's hard , hard to leave when you have no job to support your kids, who will fail you in the coming years which they did.
it's hard to leave when your family say that they will welcome you back but alone .
i ask her all the time why did she stay? and she keep saying that she stayed because of us - my siblings and i- but 90 % of us have failed her, weren't grateful to all the things she did for us, for all the money, clothes and books she provided us with when my father provided no money.
yes. maybe she was not that good in showing her love, but she was not given that at the first place. i remember my grandparents, they were always angry and yelling and fighting and they always make her cry, even now many years after they had gone she still cry because she misses them !!!
my father is another story i would write about one day. d
o i blame her? yes, but .... not completely, not even 1% because she is an old woman in Saudi Arabia.
hopefully the young generation will have their rights as a complete and equal citizen one day, there is hope.