Why I am Depressed !!

First of all thank you all for your support , kind words and prayers. 

Unsettled ask me to talk, to share and here is some.

Mostly, i feel like my life has been a big fail. I am no better than an animal , no disrespect to animals here, it's just i am doing nothing. Just work and home. Even my work which i was great in, not talking about the teaching part but how i connect with my students, how i was a guide to some has stopped. I can not stop yelling at them, i can not stop being scary. I keep blaming my sickness but it's not fair, it's me.

I miss my father, last time we talked was not good at all and then he went to the hospital and was in a coma which he died from later on.

I am lonely, not as a bad thing, but sometimes it's reckoning .

I have high hopes and expectations but couldn't perform any. My society strict me to do a lot.

when i wrote my previous post, i wrote the following too but didn't post:-

i have lost my self

i have done nothing

i am no one

i am becoming evil and yelling all the time

i am only how people see me

i care so much about people's idea about me

i am lost

i am unbalanced

i am sad

i am scared (especially for ............. fate) (my younger brother) 

i miss him and don't want to see him at the same time. ( my younger brother)

i feel so sorry for him

i am alone.

i hate my self

i hate what i became at home and at school

i give some people more credit than they deserve.

* i felt a huge relief stopping blogging for this short time. Have anyone felt the same? Do you think too much blogging is a problem?. Plus i became so obseesed with the number of comments, the number of visitors and the stats. The more the number, the more people interested i kept thinking which is bad, see how awful i become. 

P.S: last time was not for the sake of attention. But i guess i got friends i didn't know they exist :)