I Need Help

The way your future is shaped is not necessarily your choice.

But to get over it, you have to step up and be in harmony of that future, right ?

I don't know, I am just trying to convince my self of that.

I am the 5th of a 6 loser siblings. I am one of them, i am not better. The problem is that life puts you in strange positions most of the times . OR maybe that's not the problem, the problem is how do you cope with these strange positions !!!

Unlike what the whole world thinks of Saudis, I am not rich and doesn't belong to a rich family.

My father was a poor man and a lazy one, too. Amazingly he was married to a woman who was also poor but active. So when he stopped taking care and that happened all the time, she always steps in. But it is not easy to find a job for any woman here specially illiterate ones and back then it was worse. so she had to borrow money for her kids-which I spoke about a lot in here-.

Now, let's see how do you -as a kid - respond when you have the chance and it's your time to help:-

The biggest daughter helped for a while but she was the worse help, always screaming and yelling and threatening not to send money and let's not forget the humiliation parts for the whole family.

The 2nd daughter didn't complete her studies.

The first of the boys run away from all responsibility the first chance he got.

The 2nd boy was and is the biggest loser.

The youngest boy was the drunk and the bad one and he is out of the house now.

Before him there is me, i completed my studies with the help of my mother. I know clearly what she did for me and what she did for each one of them.

When i finished my studies, i got a job quickly. I got sick at first and wanted to quit but then got beaten and forced to work and sacrifice for the family-by those who abandon their family-, I hated everyone back then. But after a while i realized how spoiled bitch i was and that it was not the time to be another loser and shall suck it up and keep working .

I did and still do al7amduliallah. I am grateful that i have a job with a good salary.

Here is another problem , life is becoming expensive and one hand can not do it alone. I need help and no one is willing to lend a hand. With my salary which feeds five people-my parents and my sister and brother and me- the rent and everything else , it's not enough.

What's upset me right now and made me write this, is that today my sister got a chance for a free training in any course she like. Then, the institute will help her find a job with that skill. wow, great chance ? Nope.

My mother and I were thrilled to hear that. we told her and she simply refused, the said No.
Yes if they are going to give her a job but she doesn't want to have any training !!! .


But she has no skills and the training is for FREE , it is a great opportunist. But ......!!!!


We were watching some videos online and she simply stopped the whole topic and wanted to continue with the videos !!!!


I need help but I can not talk to her or even convince her . She is so sensitive about being unemployed and not helping and she could get upset in a second if we discussed money with her. But sweetie, you got a chance now to be employee and you said NO and a big one !!! .


I swear , i am not complaining cuz i am the breadwinner . My parents are old and the past is the past and i can not blame them for anything now. This is my role so I am not complaining. All i need is a help. Just a bit. I already have lots of debts and is She could help , things might be better.


I am sad and disappointed in her but i can not tell her that. I can not burden her with the idea that i need help. My mother cries lots of times and blames herself for not having any skill to help me. I don't want the same to happen to my sister.