This was inspired by Abu Sinan's comment on my mother's story. This a true story.
They were 6 girls, in their junior high school, some were fed up with their lives, some wanted to be free, some just wanted the adventure of it. Five of them were at the same school, the sixth one ( the youngest of them) was in a different school, she wanted to leave because life was so tough and she fed up with her life, she already had tried to kill herself before, nothing serious but the attempt was there. Her cousin was one of the 5 girls and since it's not easy for girls to meet outside their schools at that time in Saudi Arabia, the cousin was the link. One of the 5 girls claimed to have known people who would smuggle all the girls outside Saudi Arabia and that they wanted nothing, just help. And they were naive enough to believe that.
Later on, two girls dropped out. and only four remained. The lonely girl, cuz she was lonely, have high hopes and dreams of a better future ,happiness ,love and great things.
Later that year,their plans failed and no one knew how or why , but it did. And from the six girls only 3 still know each other.
They have different lives now but are not very happy, one still struggles with marriages and divorces and unemployment. As for the two cousins, they are both teachers who never liked each other very much, one has lots of deep issues and quit her job . The younger cousin (the lonely one in a different school who wanted to get rid of her life here) , held that idea for a very long time and planned everything well enough to work but things still won't happen !!!
Sh is still struggling with life and intending to get through it -inshallah- and to make the best of everything. She knows for sure now that happiness is not located in one place or city or country, happiness is her attitude towards life . She can make it good , or at least not lose it.
I am glad that we didn't make it 20 years ago :)
is this story about you wafa'?
BalasHapusi really love your posts..they make one think..
angie, yes it was about me , i was the lonely and you youngest one. thank you dear :)
BalasHapuscorrection ( the youngest one NOT you youngest )
BalasHapusAww I love this story, lives and struggles! Just embrace it with open heart, you will like it somehow :) I'm trying my escape too, just wanted to break free! Am I still young and naive?
BalasHapusInteresting what life brings us and how odd chances of fate, naseeb, bring to us.
BalasHapusI always loved the movie "Sliding Doors" as it shows how just the smallest things can change your life forever, in both good and bad ways.
I had a very hard time growing up and I never thought I'd make it to age 25, let alone in my 30s. Certainly didnt imagine being married to a Saudi woman with two little boys, Masha'Allah.
That didnt happen until I was in my early 30s and I was begining to give up on the thought of ever having kids or moving beyond where I was at that point.
Just when you think it wont happen, just when you think it is beyond your reach, that is usually when it does happen.
When I was in high school I tried to kill myself and had a couple of other times where people tried to do it for me!
I am older now and sit back sometimes and cry for the little kid I was and what I went through and my heart goes out to all of those innocent children out ther going through the same or worse.
I also struggled terribly at school and with my family but not never had the courage to run away. Not until I went to university and effectively didn't return home for ten years.
BalasHapusWhat did I discover? Same as you - you can't run away to happiness.
c, for a very long i wish to leave, and still. life here is so tough , and most times there is no life, you just have to created it. But i think i didn't make it for a reason. the way we thought about it and wanted to do it was naive and stupid and who knows how it would turned out. and no i don't think that you are naive, but maybe young :)
BalasHapusابو سنان, your comments last time remind me of the whole incident. it was amazing and sad , too. your life was so hard but look how did it turn, how lovely it became with a wife and kids. i hate to believe this but sometimes even the hardship in our lives are for a reason. If we just had someone around us to guide us and pull us through, then we would be probably happier.
dad,ten years is indeed a runaway.you won't believe how much i wish to just leave for a while now, a long while, but i know i can not and won't. and yup we can not run away to happiness, it's inside us, we just have to find the way to nurture it :)
@Wafa,
BalasHapusI actually didnt have anyone to help me out. I left at aged 16 and fended for myself. I think the lack of someone to be able to look to is what caused me to make so many mistakes when I was younger.
Now that I am older, the more obvious damage has gone. The stuff inside is still there and having kids actually made some stuff worse in respect to my feelings to my father and the things that happened.
Now I know what it is like to be a father first hand the stuff that happened to me back then seems even worse than it did. When I look at my two little guys I really see just how bad it was. I wonder how, as a father, someone can do that stuff to their own children.
Always more questions than answers.
ابوسنان, i guess that's what makes hardship even worse that there are no one to help or support. i am not a parent but i know what it means, i know people with the same questions, how can any parent do that? i ask them all the time and wonder how can my father did a lot of things. i think you are a very strong man and your strength now comes from giving the best of you to your kids and be the best parent they will know and love and cherich :)
BalasHapusohDear, :) , long time dear, how is life treating you :)