I AM SO MAD

it was a typical day, too much talk which i do when i feel nervous and uncertain. i had lunch and then went to get some times of relaxing, i woke up on the sound of yelling and screaming and fighting.
it was between my mother and brother-he is three years older than me- . they fought over money- as usual, but was more frightening-he wanted her to give him some, she said no and that she had nothing which of course he wont believe, he started to yell and scream at her which she respond to by threatening him to kick him out of the house and that make the situation even worse, he started to break things and the yelling was even louder.
it was not the first time he did so, he always does, he had a serious of jobs which he quits and now works as a driver for a company where he had a low salary which gets even lower when he received it due to his continuous absence and his debts. he doesn't contribute in the house except for sometimes where he gives my mother some money, something like 200 riyals, so he keeps asking for money and when we don't give him, he yells, screams, calls us names, threaten to do so and so.
there are five of us living in the house, my mother, my father who is an old man who can do nothing, my older sister, my brother and me. i'm the breadwinner of the house and i pay the rent of the apartment we live in, i'm not complaining , that's my destiny and i love doing it. at least we don't need anyone, but we can not give him money each time he wants, each time he lies to us with one of his stories, each time he fake a sickness which will disappear the moment he took one riyal and not by a visit to the hospital.
it's scary and i am so scared from him, i'm afraid to get hit by him, i guess all my brothers hate me and i'm not complaining, cuz of me being the breadwinner, they think that this makes me believe i'm superior to them. i never acted or said anything to indicate such things but because i don't give them any money to spend on their leisure-which are bad- and rather spend it on the house , its necessities and some of the pleasure of my mother, who spend her life living with a man who gives her nothing and my sister. beside i really believe that i shouldn't support a man ,who is capable, financially.
so when things start to calm down, i called my eldest brother who is only 4 years older than me and one year older than him, he told me to call him back when my brother came back, which was around Maghreb prayer and i did, he came and they had a brief talk and we expect the rest, an apology , a kiss and that WE should be considered of his emotions cuz he is not married and life is tough and so and so and so( lots and lots of excuses ) and some indicating that he doesn't need to be called each time we have a problem and he has a family !!!. this is your mother we are talking about and if you are not willing to defend her then whom will you defend, wont this happen in the near future when your kids grow??.
i'm so terrified that one day my brother will kill my mom or dad, when he is mad he is so scary, i'm afraid that he might hit me and case a permanent damage or something, i had a constant pain in my back thanks to my younger brother.
i know i'm stuck with a family of beast men, but when will things changed? when will we live life? when will we be happy? is life ever going to be happy? are we going to suffer our whole life because someone had a tough life ? what about us? when will anyone think of us , of our tough lives? how about my poor mother's soul? she couldn't stop crying, feeling like a failure with two sons who are monsters and a third one who doesn't care? is it her fault to have been married to a man who never taught his sons to be good to their mother, to set a good example ? .
it's easier to blame myself and my mother for everything, which i did before, but no i'm not going to do so, i'm not going to be a victim again, i hate feeling this way but all i keep wondering is when will everything stop ??? .
btw, my brother used to take drugs, not medical drugs, especially pills and we believe he is still use them and that's the reason for his constant demand of money. i'm tired of people telling me that they are sick or poor me cuz we tried our best with our youngest brother and he refused to receive any help? it's their choice and their choice to stop whatever they are doing or seek help. i'm not ashamed to say i hate my brothers .
i am so mad .