I want another life, another family asap :(
I was on the edge of having a nervous break down yesterday or maybe i did. My sugar reach 600 yesterday and is settling on 500 today.
What is the way to end all the pains of your dysfunctional family?.
What's the way to make everyone understand that we are human too ?
I kept looking at the window yesterday and asking myself "you can end it all now, do it, jump, maybe they will learn a lesson and at least make life easier for my mother after that " and till now i wondered what stopped me !!
What freaks me out is not now, it's the future and you can't not think of it, what scares me is the knowledge i have and sure of that things wont change at all, that they can not change cuz the rule of the world, the rule Allah put is that nothing will change until you are willing to change, unless you want to change yourself and they don't want that.
How am i going to last another 10 years into this ??. I didn't even know that it's in me to break that hysterically while trying to make amends.
Not only i hate my family but i hate the country that wont give you a chance to go out of this.
I was on the edge of having a nervous break down yesterday or maybe i did. My sugar reach 600 yesterday and is settling on 500 today.
What is the way to end all the pains of your dysfunctional family?.
What's the way to make everyone understand that we are human too ?
I kept looking at the window yesterday and asking myself "you can end it all now, do it, jump, maybe they will learn a lesson and at least make life easier for my mother after that " and till now i wondered what stopped me !!
What freaks me out is not now, it's the future and you can't not think of it, what scares me is the knowledge i have and sure of that things wont change at all, that they can not change cuz the rule of the world, the rule Allah put is that nothing will change until you are willing to change, unless you want to change yourself and they don't want that.
How am i going to last another 10 years into this ??. I didn't even know that it's in me to break that hysterically while trying to make amends.
Not only i hate my family but i hate the country that wont give you a chance to go out of this.
Ah, sweet Wafa', your posts lately have made me sad for you. Sometimes i just don't even comment because I close your post with a heavy heart. I believe God cares for you and He can work in spite of others not wanting to change things. He can soften hearts and change people so pray to this end. There is always hope because of God. He's the great hope-giver. So don't despair. I will be praying for you. Please know that I care and pray for the day God gives you peace in your family. Much love to you!
BalasHapusP.S. Don't jump. it won't make your mom's life easier. I'm sure you are one who brings her great joy and losing you would make her incredibly sad. Please, don't think that way. Remember, to some people you mean the world. Don't deprive them of YOU!
BalasHapusHugs!!
i hope things will be better soon ..take it easy ..
BalasHapusgreets .. Somaya
روقي يا حلوه
BalasHapusروقي و وحدي الله
حلول المشاكل مابتيجي بالهروب منها وكراهيتها
لا
شوفي مشكلتك شو هيه
مش إنك بتكرهي أهلك
إنتي ما بتكرهيهم,, فكري فيها كمان مره
أكم من سنه وهمه تعبانين عليكي,, ومتغلبين فيكي
مرضك,,دراستك,, تعبك,, العابك,, فرحك,, ترحك
كل هاد رح بينتسى من موقف بيناتكم
أكيد لا,, هيه ساعه شيطان و تفكير مش بمكانه من أهلك
استغفري ربنا اكتر
و وكلي أمرك إله,, إلا ما تنحل يا بطه
صدقيني
بتمنا أسمع منك وعنك اخبار حلوه وكويسه متلك
Susanne,
BalasHapusi know that i have no one but God, but sometimes i do lose that certainty and wonder why. I am weaker than what i think.
I hope for the best and fear the worst of the coming. I don't want to be a living dead inside, i would hate that.
Thank you so so much for your support and your words, they made me cry. Thank you sweetie :)
Somaya,
BalasHapusAmen, thanks for your kind words :)
UmmOmar,
BalasHapusوالله يا أم عمر لو تعرفي قد ايش انا وفيه لهم, لامي لانها هي اللي تعبت علشاننا. ابوي الله يرحمه باحاول قد مااقدر اكون باره معاه. لكن الباقي ماصدر منهم ذرة معروف. هم اللي ناكرين للجميل مو جميلي انا لكن جميل الوالدة و اكتر من اني زعلانه على اللي بيصير , انا زعلانه على وضع امي . يكفيها اللي صاير لها.
يمكن البوست مبين اني انا جاحدة او دلوعة بس والله لو تعرفيني و لو قرأتي الادرجات التانيه راح تعرفي اني مااكتب كدا الا من اللي شفتوه.
لكن ايش اقول و اسوي او اشكي . الحمدلله على كل حال و الشكوى لـ الله
تسلمي على كلامك الحلو و دعمك, الله يسعدك و يوفقك دنيا و اخرة و يبعد عنك الشر و الاذية
:)
My heart breaks for you and I wish there was something I could do. You ever need someone to talk to, you let me know okay? You're in my thoughts and prayers.
BalasHapusأعصااااابنا! :)
BalasHapusالله يكون معك و يخفف همك
مش عارف شو احكي غير هيك بصراحة:(
فى آخر ثلاثة شهور كنت أعانى من نفس المشاكل تقريبا خاصة مع عائلتى لاننى كنت مشغول فى ال5 سنوات السابقة فى دراستى بعيدا عنهم مما أحدث سوء تواصل تام بيننا وعلى خلاف دائما ومما زاد الطين بلة اننى اعانى من تاخرى فى ايجاد العمل نتيجة خطأ ما او عدم توفيق غير عادى مما احالنى للتفكير لايام وشهور فى كل مشاهد الانتحار التى رايتها فى حياتى وكنت اسال نفسى لماذا ينتحرون؟؟ هل مشاكلهم اكبر من مشاكلى ام اصغر ؟؟ ولكنى متاكد اننى لن افعل مثلهم - حتى وانا اكتب هذه الكلمان استعجب مما كنت علية - فحاولت ان اتجاهل كل مصادر المشاكل بينى وبين عائلتى واجاهد نفسى على ان ابرهم ودعوت الله ان يوفقنى فى العمل وقد كان ولكن اكثر ما ما لمسته فى البوست What's the way to make everyone understand that we are human too ? وكان حل هذه المشكلة بالنسبة لى هو ان اساعد غيرى على ان يفهم اننى اشعر بما يشعر به فلماذا لايكون هو ايضا يعانى مما اعانى به من عدم فهم بعضنا لبعض
BalasHapusحبيبتي وفاء...ربنا يفرجها عن قريب
BalasHapusافضل شي انك تضلي زي ما انت ثقتك بالله كبيره ....ومن يتق الله يجعل له مخرجا و كوني على يقين بان الله قادر انه يغير من حال الى حال
ربنا يجزيكي الخير على كل شي بتواجهيه و يعوضك ايام راحة بال و سعاده عن قريب ياااااا رب
Becky,
BalasHapusThanks a lot my dear for all your prayers and kind words :)
Haitham,
BalasHapusآمين يارب و يفرجها من عنده ياقادر ياكريم
Abdullaah,
BalasHapusالموضوع متجذر , و اكبر من مسئلة فهم
و احيانا بنتعب و احنا نحاول نفهم و مابنتفهم نفس الوقت
الحمدلله على كل حال و ان شاءالله ربنا يفرجها , مافي شيء على الله كبير
شكرا اخي الكريم
:)
Whisper,
BalasHapusرب ياوسبر يارب
والله لو مااملي بالله , ماكنت عارفة ايش راح يصير . ربنا يفرجها من عنده ان شاءالله
و يوفقك في غربتك و يسهلك كل امورك يارب في الدنيا و الاخرة
:)
معلش يا وفاء...في طرفة عين يبدل الله من حال الى حال....لا تقنطي من رحمة الله
BalasHapusحبيبتي
لا تهتمي الا بنفسك ووالدتك والباقي اتركيهم لله هو يدبرهم بمعرفته....احتسبي الله فيهم واتركي التدبير عليه
الله يفرج همك ويفك كربك قريبا ان شاء الله
my dear Wafa'
BalasHapusi can feel what you're feeling now but all we can do for you is praying for your family
i don't blame you at all , but if you leave the only person who will cry for you day and night is your poor mother. be strong for her just only for her
no one will care more about your mom more than you.
also the sad thing we both share is our country and all the limit they put on us . honestly and i said this before I HATE MY COUNTRY due to we can't do lots of things we want, our society's view only siding the bad people !! some Saudi will say that's not true we bla bla i will answer them you all lairs and hypocrite , like you said before your brother is huge problem to you and your mom
be healthy for her , make her smile more , i know you did this and still doing this for her
i never forget your problems , and i always thinking of you , you're like a diamond , do you know why it's so expensive ? it's because it took 3.3 billions years to be so beautiful and(diamond) Derived from the Greek word "Adamas" which is mean Hardness ,it took lots of patient to be like this beauty . you are like this patient and hardness, in the future always remember yourself as diamond , very pure diamond , maybe it took you couples of years to resolve all your problems not like 3.3 billions years :D , try to smile and be healthy
and soon inshaAllah all your problems will be resolve
you are like a diamond, always take care of your diamond , we all care about you .
ما بعرف شو خلفيه الاذى و الالم اللي بتعيشيه لكن الكل ما بيخلى يا قمر
BalasHapusو صبرك و رضاكي بما قسملك الك اجر و ثواب فيه اضافه الىالاجر و الثواب بالتخفيف عن امك الله يخليلك اياها
و ما تخافي من المستقبل لانه بإيد ربك و سر السعاده انك تعيشي لحظتك و تتركي التفكير بالماضي و المستقبل ةو اتوكلي على رب العباد
ديري بالك على ايمانك و ذكرك و صلاتك و لازم حكيتي انو اللي ردعك عن الانتحار هو اولا و اخيرا مخافه رب العالمين
:)))
الله يخفف عنك و يهدي بالك
naysan,
BalasHapusيارب يانيسان يارب
اللهم امين و تفرج ان شاءالله
:)
Freedom,
BalasHapusI am trying wallahi, i am. but it's just sometimes i can not take it anymore, it's way too much :(
As for our country, i honestly feel the same. how can i love and feel belonging to a place that treats me like i am not a human being.it's so sad and depressing.
Euphoria,
BalasHapusآمين يارب
الله يفرجها على الجميع
شكرا على النصيحة و الكلام المشجع, الله يعطيك الف عافية
:)
hey sweety, its not only who feels dat way. me too :( but sumthing try not to think to much about it, n do sumthing dat u enjoy da most, i will pray u will feel better inshaallah ILY
BalasHapusSilla
Farsilla,
BalasHapusThanks for your prayers and kind words :)
And i hope that things will change to the best in your life too :)
OH my dear Wafa I missed you and am sorry to come back to see such a sad message.
BalasHapusI went you when I was going through a deep depression, you were kind to me. I wish there is something I can say to make your day.
I pray Allah will give you peace in your heart. Salam alaikum.
http://chasingmyrainbowbaby.blogspot.com
Salam Wafa, we are only tested according to our strength...you are definitely a strong lady...emotionally and mentally. May you get out of this long-depressing-phase stronger.
BalasHapusYour mother and you are in my dua.
Salma,
BalasHapusAlhamduliallah on everything.
And thanks for your kind words, support and encouragements, they mean a lot to me :)
Suraya,
BalasHapusYour words were such a bless to my heart and emotions, to my all :)
Thanks for these beautiful and kind words and your dua :)