Creating My Own Life.

What i hate most about my country is nothing like you can not make your own life, your won living . 

I was thinking yesterday what will happen if i decided to pack some of my personal belongings and leave !! what's frustrating is that i know doing so means my life will be over. I wont have the chance to have a job, i will  always be considered a runaway despite being 37 !!. 

Who says we are different from other human beings, form women all over the world who want to make an Independent life, to move on from all the pain and struggling. Enough is more than enough. 

I may have no big problems such as before, but the old ones are still alive. We are still walking on eggs around our brother who might erupted suddenly. Or maybe our younger brother might get so drunk that he will attack someone with a knife and being attacked like what happened yesterday. You can not even take a week off to relax cuz a male says no. 

I can survive now, but what about then. My soul is already crushing under the weight of so many feelings and emotions.

I remember once i read about how these tough time strengthen us and make us wiser, but you know what ? for a year of no worries i would give up a life time of wisdom and strength. 

Sadly, that's just a wish.