My Father :)

The idea that he is gone forever is not yet sunk in me. But even if he is, i don't want to talk about him or remembering him crying . Yes, i am going to miss him . But i want him to be alive within us .

If any topic came and we mentioned him, i don't want us to start crying. We will miss him forever, but i want to say his name and smile :) . I am already doing so. I choose a very beautiful picture of him smiling as a wallpaper in my phone . That's how i want to remember him.

I am going to miss him terribly. Me and him didn't have the relationship i wished for but i still know that he loves me and i will make him proud .

We have not talked to him in three weeks and three days- during his last illness-. But we all saw the good signs during and after his death and i want to believe in them, no matter what anyone might say.

He died in Friday-a significant day-, all the procedure to take his body from the hospital to the house went by so quickly.

His face with shining :) , his funeral was the fastest in four funerals with him.

And the best of all to me -at least-, that he was lied on my bed for about five hours until they take him to the mosque . Every thing about his death and burial was quick and people witness that. He was eager to go , and why would not he when is going to meet -inshAllah-his parents, his brother and sister and his three kids.

So why would i want to be sad for a man who was so eager to go to heaven inshAllah :) .

He was indeed resting in peace now inshAllah :)

During the darkest hours you learn great stuff like how people are nice in general and that good deeds are never lost.

But the most important thing is that nothing is the same for good. I can see it with my mother. How much she hated and fought with him when he was alive , but when he is gone. She is so sick and so sad and wanted him back.

I never ever in my whole life heard her saying " habibi" , but i did now.

She was never in love with him, but everything now makes her say it and feel it and it never make me sad, i am so happy that she loves him and respects him and forgives him even if it's after he is gone. I

t's never too late. And i am positive that he will know somehow, and that this is will make him happy :)

Yes, we will miss him. But i choose to smile remembering him, because that's the least he deserve :)