Why Do You Give ?

I am this good person in general, someone who would respect you and your choices no matter what. I might have an opinion about it all but I would still respect you....until it's about giving.

I grow up poor, we lived in an apartment in my grandfather building without paying rent. Didn't have a steady income because my mother didn't work-she is not educated and without a job-and my father was a driver who gain too little and spend most of it on different things. To have a 10 SR "3dollars" you need to literally save up.

Still, I never get to do anything to get more money. My mother would take care of us getting the money needed for our clothes, food and school. Growing up and realizing the situation we are in was difficult but still I didn't have to do anything about it. When I reached the university and need more money for books and clothes, my mother will always give them to me and she did the same for my ungrateful siblings.

I needed more times to accept the situation that my father was not doing his duties and that my mother had to borrow money from people, lots of people. But there are one person in particular who helped her a lot- her younger sister-.

I never forgot what it feels to need money. Especially when the school knew that I was from a poor family and wanted to help. I never knew what it feels to ask people to give you so you would help your family. Through my whole years as a teacher I only had to ask for help for a very few times and it never was easy, I always cry and take days to be able to utter the words but the reasons are always big. Thankfully I have no debt on my shoulder expect for the bank but that's my own debt -as i call it- and not to people.

Why do I give ?
because I know that despite not looking that desperate and poor, we were.
That despite having strong men who can help, they didn't.
That although your eldest daughter work and got good money, she wont give you a dime.

I give because I know that someone need to feel that they are human , and that by having good income, by not being poor.
Because by helping you are giving a chance for someone to grow, to be better, to have a job, to stop the circle of poverty.

Those people who helped us stopped our cycle of poverty by giving my mother the chance to help me to graduate and get a job and move up the ladder.

Would I still be giving if I wasn't in the same situation? If I wasn't  "in need" and "desperate" ? If I was blind of the suffering of my mother? . I could be or couldn't but I am glad that I am a giving person.

But there are two things that I hate a lot, and I don't hate a lot of things.
First,I hate is that I am becoming extreme in resentment and judging when people wont help or expect something in return. I know that a lot have lots of responsibilities but as I always believe that as long as there is someone who is poorer than you, you can still give something up, you can skip an item on will- do this-month-list cuz nothing is as important as a person in need.

Second, I hate that people do give for the reward. It's in the Quran and we are asked to help and promised great rewarding for doing this. But I hate the idea that I am someone's road  to heaven. I hate the idea that you don't give because you care but because you see me as a "chance" to get closer to heaven. I hate the idea that you give to feel good about yourself. I hate that you give so you wont feel "guilty" next time you see a poor person, cuz you already payed your debt to society by giving me. I hate that you give because you think that I am a debt and you should get rid of. I hate that you give so you feel like you have did what you have to do and that's that.

Why don't we give because we see poor people as equal as we are. That we are giving because that's our duty-not to give to get rid of that feeling- to give cuz It's our duty to help each other. Everyone of us help and share what he/she has more than enough of "money, love, time...etc".

Do we have the power to think of those poor as equal people to us and give them because we live in societies where people of the world are one and if I fall today you will help me and I will help you when you fall tomorrow !!!


This is from Paulo Coelho's latest novel "Aleph"
"I've never felt awkward about asking . I've known lots of people who care about others and are extremely generous when it comes to giving and who feel real pleasure when someone asks them for advice or help. And that's fine, it's a good thing to help your neighbor. On the other hand, I know very few people capable of receiving even when the gift is given with love and generosity. It's as if the act of receiving made them feel inferior. as if depending on someone else was undignified. They think is someone is giving us something, that's because we're incapable of getting it for ourselves. Or else, the person giving me this now will one day ask for back with interest. Or, even worse, i don't deserve to be treated well " p.90
and while reading that I kept wondering about the people we give, did we ever thought about them,are they equal to us? doesn't giving without receiving means that we think of them as less ?that we are superior !!

Sometime ago, I stopped "giving" only, now I happily "receive"

P.S: My aunt-above- had a series of bad events in her life. She got married then divorced with two daughter and father that never ask about them. She,also,lost her job. But you know what? an uncle and an aunt are helping her generously now. 

Life is a circle and Karma is great :)


Part of string of confessions.