Next Thursday is my 3? birthday, i can not believe i'm this old, i'm closer to 40 than 30 :( . NEVER MIND, what's the point of getting upset over something i can not get back, sometimes i wish that i'm still young to achieve what i wish for, what i dreamt long time ago, but it didn't happen for a reason and it's no point getting to know why, who knows maybe the future is holding something more beautiful to me !!
Anyway, since i know that next Thursday i'm going to be PMS ing -and it's so harsh- or my i'm already having my period -and i would be sick then- i decided to do something today. yes we never do any thing big or important but these few years my mother and sister used to take me to a nice restaurant where we will have a nice meal or so. this time i wanted to do it, so i invite them to SHOPPING, lool. well, my mothers like to buy stuff for the house, so i choose with her and then insist on paying as my gift for her on my birthday, i did something nice to my sister, we had ice cream which the three of us didn't like, lol. have a quick meal. they help me do good deed to 4 strangers :) i really hope that this makes me even a bit happier. i bough myself lots of magazine which i don't buy usually, my favorite strawberry, raspberry and a book called ( Broken Open : how Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow ) hope it's a good one and can help in the coming years a bit. But ...... the gift i was begging my mother to get my self and she kept refusing is .... :( watch the video ....
i want a small one, too. they are so cute but mom doesn't like them , but she had a big smile when i show her the video :) . well, Happy Birthday To Me,lool.
love love this song for Elissa :)
Kamis, 29 Oktober 2009
Rabu, 28 Oktober 2009
My Boss
i know millions of people suffer from the same dilemma. my boss (the principle of the school)is a woman of course ,and she is from a rich family (will say why in a while) . she is in her fifties and been used to everyone saying yes to her and demand respect even if she doesn't deserve it , she likes the idea that others are afraid from her and such things and whenever there is a problem she tells everyone that she has maids and a rich and important father ....etc. ( that's why i mentioned she was rich ).
we have a huge problem with principles all over Saudi Arabia, everyone complains, i guess they really believe that it's their OWN school and that teachers, students and workers are their OWN slave.
back to my principle, everyone said that she likes me (is it my fault that she does while i don't ? ), i simply answer it's cuz i teach and also help with administration work . the problem is that i had enough yelling and screaming at home that i don't need it at school, i respect everyone and therefore i demand respect, and here is why we both fight and me saying it all at her face, i don't know how to praise someone when they don't deserve it!!!
two days ago , i talk to her honestly and told her what everyone-including me- is feeling, her yelling, her being snob , the way she talked to us in front of the students...etc. i said it all and she was so shock as how dare you talk to me like that, her face was red and she changed the subject immediately. never mind , at least i said what i believe she needs to know. things that those surrounding her need to tell her long time ago, btw, this is not the first time we argue or fought but she always end it with " you are young and you don't understand life or such stupid excuses" .
lots of people at school hate what she does and how she acts, but no one wants to say anything so i am always the bad one when i confront her . i always wonder why do people act in such way when they become responsible of a big or an important place? why would people let them rule them in such bad way? what are people afraid from and of ? why do people who stand up for their rights are rebellious or bad or even evil ? are men bosses better than women ?.
i'm not trying to show that i'm the bravest woman out there or that my colleagues are bad but just wondering why people don't stand up for their own rights ?? is it similar to my life with my family where i can not end the misery ? dunno, but i think it's different !!!!!
we have a huge problem with principles all over Saudi Arabia, everyone complains, i guess they really believe that it's their OWN school and that teachers, students and workers are their OWN slave.
back to my principle, everyone said that she likes me (is it my fault that she does while i don't ? ), i simply answer it's cuz i teach and also help with administration work . the problem is that i had enough yelling and screaming at home that i don't need it at school, i respect everyone and therefore i demand respect, and here is why we both fight and me saying it all at her face, i don't know how to praise someone when they don't deserve it!!!
two days ago , i talk to her honestly and told her what everyone-including me- is feeling, her yelling, her being snob , the way she talked to us in front of the students...etc. i said it all and she was so shock as how dare you talk to me like that, her face was red and she changed the subject immediately. never mind , at least i said what i believe she needs to know. things that those surrounding her need to tell her long time ago, btw, this is not the first time we argue or fought but she always end it with " you are young and you don't understand life or such stupid excuses" .
lots of people at school hate what she does and how she acts, but no one wants to say anything so i am always the bad one when i confront her . i always wonder why do people act in such way when they become responsible of a big or an important place? why would people let them rule them in such bad way? what are people afraid from and of ? why do people who stand up for their rights are rebellious or bad or even evil ? are men bosses better than women ?.
i'm not trying to show that i'm the bravest woman out there or that my colleagues are bad but just wondering why people don't stand up for their own rights ?? is it similar to my life with my family where i can not end the misery ? dunno, but i think it's different !!!!!
Senin, 26 Oktober 2009
Rosana Al-Yami
Rosana Al-Yami, a lady who works for the LBC TV channel in Saudi Arabia, and who has been accused of helping the convicted men , that's another story, prepare to be on TV and working with TV who has no permission working in Saudi Arabia. anyway the whole story was so stupid and took too much time and coverage. Rosana was convicted also and been sentenced to 60 lashes, btw why this obsess with lashes in our judge minds, so just today she was pardon by the king. really?? are they serious?? . what did she do first to be sentenced? all was nonsenses accusation and so stupid. and why pardon like a criminal instead of drop the charges? why did they pardon her now? are they afraid of the western media the minute they hear about the story, probably talked about already, . did they want to stop the whole negative circle by this?? .
well i am glad she didn't receive this harsh punishment and i think the whole progress of this country and its people are still laying in the hand of the king, which is still sad .
PS: what's with blogs, comments appear and disappear !!! and now no headtitle here !!!
well i am glad she didn't receive this harsh punishment and i think the whole progress of this country and its people are still laying in the hand of the king, which is still sad .
PS: what's with blogs, comments appear and disappear !!! and now no headtitle here !!!
Minggu, 25 Oktober 2009
Sick :(
i didn't go to school today, was so sick and ache everywhere, back, stomach, legs. couldn't manage to even stand up , my sugar was 301. i hate being sick or even feeling so, and then worry about school and the curriculum...etc. i wonder what if i was rich enough to quit my job and sleep as long as i want, although i do sleep a lot but i don't think it's the relaxing kind, ''sigh'' . lool. yalla Allah yerzogna :)
listening to Om Kalthom , sert Al70b :)
listening to Om Kalthom , sert Al70b :)
Sabtu, 24 Oktober 2009
I AM SO MAD
it was a typical day, too much talk which i do when i feel nervous and uncertain. i had lunch and then went to get some times of relaxing, i woke up on the sound of yelling and screaming and fighting.
it was between my mother and brother-he is three years older than me- . they fought over money- as usual, but was more frightening-he wanted her to give him some, she said no and that she had nothing which of course he wont believe, he started to yell and scream at her which she respond to by threatening him to kick him out of the house and that make the situation even worse, he started to break things and the yelling was even louder.
it was not the first time he did so, he always does, he had a serious of jobs which he quits and now works as a driver for a company where he had a low salary which gets even lower when he received it due to his continuous absence and his debts. he doesn't contribute in the house except for sometimes where he gives my mother some money, something like 200 riyals, so he keeps asking for money and when we don't give him, he yells, screams, calls us names, threaten to do so and so.
there are five of us living in the house, my mother, my father who is an old man who can do nothing, my older sister, my brother and me. i'm the breadwinner of the house and i pay the rent of the apartment we live in, i'm not complaining , that's my destiny and i love doing it. at least we don't need anyone, but we can not give him money each time he wants, each time he lies to us with one of his stories, each time he fake a sickness which will disappear the moment he took one riyal and not by a visit to the hospital.
it's scary and i am so scared from him, i'm afraid to get hit by him, i guess all my brothers hate me and i'm not complaining, cuz of me being the breadwinner, they think that this makes me believe i'm superior to them. i never acted or said anything to indicate such things but because i don't give them any money to spend on their leisure-which are bad- and rather spend it on the house , its necessities and some of the pleasure of my mother, who spend her life living with a man who gives her nothing and my sister. beside i really believe that i shouldn't support a man ,who is capable, financially.
so when things start to calm down, i called my eldest brother who is only 4 years older than me and one year older than him, he told me to call him back when my brother came back, which was around Maghreb prayer and i did, he came and they had a brief talk and we expect the rest, an apology , a kiss and that WE should be considered of his emotions cuz he is not married and life is tough and so and so and so( lots and lots of excuses ) and some indicating that he doesn't need to be called each time we have a problem and he has a family !!!. this is your mother we are talking about and if you are not willing to defend her then whom will you defend, wont this happen in the near future when your kids grow??.
i'm so terrified that one day my brother will kill my mom or dad, when he is mad he is so scary, i'm afraid that he might hit me and case a permanent damage or something, i had a constant pain in my back thanks to my younger brother.
i know i'm stuck with a family of beast men, but when will things changed? when will we live life? when will we be happy? is life ever going to be happy? are we going to suffer our whole life because someone had a tough life ? what about us? when will anyone think of us , of our tough lives? how about my poor mother's soul? she couldn't stop crying, feeling like a failure with two sons who are monsters and a third one who doesn't care? is it her fault to have been married to a man who never taught his sons to be good to their mother, to set a good example ? .
it's easier to blame myself and my mother for everything, which i did before, but no i'm not going to do so, i'm not going to be a victim again, i hate feeling this way but all i keep wondering is when will everything stop ??? .
btw, my brother used to take drugs, not medical drugs, especially pills and we believe he is still use them and that's the reason for his constant demand of money. i'm tired of people telling me that they are sick or poor me cuz we tried our best with our youngest brother and he refused to receive any help? it's their choice and their choice to stop whatever they are doing or seek help. i'm not ashamed to say i hate my brothers .
i am so mad .
it was between my mother and brother-he is three years older than me- . they fought over money- as usual, but was more frightening-he wanted her to give him some, she said no and that she had nothing which of course he wont believe, he started to yell and scream at her which she respond to by threatening him to kick him out of the house and that make the situation even worse, he started to break things and the yelling was even louder.
it was not the first time he did so, he always does, he had a serious of jobs which he quits and now works as a driver for a company where he had a low salary which gets even lower when he received it due to his continuous absence and his debts. he doesn't contribute in the house except for sometimes where he gives my mother some money, something like 200 riyals, so he keeps asking for money and when we don't give him, he yells, screams, calls us names, threaten to do so and so.
there are five of us living in the house, my mother, my father who is an old man who can do nothing, my older sister, my brother and me. i'm the breadwinner of the house and i pay the rent of the apartment we live in, i'm not complaining , that's my destiny and i love doing it. at least we don't need anyone, but we can not give him money each time he wants, each time he lies to us with one of his stories, each time he fake a sickness which will disappear the moment he took one riyal and not by a visit to the hospital.
it's scary and i am so scared from him, i'm afraid to get hit by him, i guess all my brothers hate me and i'm not complaining, cuz of me being the breadwinner, they think that this makes me believe i'm superior to them. i never acted or said anything to indicate such things but because i don't give them any money to spend on their leisure-which are bad- and rather spend it on the house , its necessities and some of the pleasure of my mother, who spend her life living with a man who gives her nothing and my sister. beside i really believe that i shouldn't support a man ,who is capable, financially.
so when things start to calm down, i called my eldest brother who is only 4 years older than me and one year older than him, he told me to call him back when my brother came back, which was around Maghreb prayer and i did, he came and they had a brief talk and we expect the rest, an apology , a kiss and that WE should be considered of his emotions cuz he is not married and life is tough and so and so and so( lots and lots of excuses ) and some indicating that he doesn't need to be called each time we have a problem and he has a family !!!. this is your mother we are talking about and if you are not willing to defend her then whom will you defend, wont this happen in the near future when your kids grow??.
i'm so terrified that one day my brother will kill my mom or dad, when he is mad he is so scary, i'm afraid that he might hit me and case a permanent damage or something, i had a constant pain in my back thanks to my younger brother.
i know i'm stuck with a family of beast men, but when will things changed? when will we live life? when will we be happy? is life ever going to be happy? are we going to suffer our whole life because someone had a tough life ? what about us? when will anyone think of us , of our tough lives? how about my poor mother's soul? she couldn't stop crying, feeling like a failure with two sons who are monsters and a third one who doesn't care? is it her fault to have been married to a man who never taught his sons to be good to their mother, to set a good example ? .
it's easier to blame myself and my mother for everything, which i did before, but no i'm not going to do so, i'm not going to be a victim again, i hate feeling this way but all i keep wondering is when will everything stop ??? .
btw, my brother used to take drugs, not medical drugs, especially pills and we believe he is still use them and that's the reason for his constant demand of money. i'm tired of people telling me that they are sick or poor me cuz we tried our best with our youngest brother and he refused to receive any help? it's their choice and their choice to stop whatever they are doing or seek help. i'm not ashamed to say i hate my brothers .
i am so mad .
Jumat, 23 Oktober 2009
Love these two songs :)
i think Wael Kefory is one of the best Arabic singers when he sings romantic songs, everything about him is romantic, lol. that's why i don't like to read about him, doesn't sound real romantic guy. i guess we all look something while we are something else, right?. take me for example i am short so everyone thinks that they can control you or that you are weak -don't know why they think so- epically at school when my students see me at first they think she is a weak teacher, but i'm not weak at all, the funny thing is that everyone keeps saying that i'm scary actually, lool.
these are two of the songs i love most for Wael
these are two of the songs i love most for Wael
Kamis, 22 Oktober 2009
Paranormal Activity
i just finished watching the movie "paranormal activity" and i loved it a lot, it's a horror movie, and i am crazy in love with horror movies, especially ghosts, spirits, demons and evil. and this one is all about that. it's shot to appear is it's based on a true story and shot by the couples themselves.
have anyone seen a ghost before? a real one? or Jin ? . my mother can sense them sometimes , i remember when i was young i saw one. not recently though. wished to see one but don't want my wish to be echoed in my brain in case one of them read my mind and be gentle enough and show himself, lool, joking. but really do you believe in them ?
if you love such movies, go ahead and see it, amazing.
have anyone seen a ghost before? a real one? or Jin ? . my mother can sense them sometimes , i remember when i was young i saw one. not recently though. wished to see one but don't want my wish to be echoed in my brain in case one of them read my mind and be gentle enough and show himself, lool, joking. but really do you believe in them ?
if you love such movies, go ahead and see it, amazing.
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