Are We The Result Of What We Learn ?

"Are we the result of what we learn ?"


" We learn in the past, but we are not the result of that. We suffered in the past, loved in the past, cried and laughed in the past, but that's of no use to the present. The present has its challenges, its good and bad side. We can either blame nor be grateful to the past for what is happening now. Each new experience of love has nothing whatsoever to do with past experiences. its always new"


"people aren't used to that way pf thinking. They want everything to stay the same.."


"..and the consequences of that is pain" " we aren't the person other people wish we were. We are who we decide to be. it's always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility. you can try to stop time, but it's a complete waste of energy" 


" but there are all kinds of problems i need to resolve now" 
"They lie in what you call the "past" and await a decision to be made in what you call the "future".They clog your mind and slow you down, and won't let you understand the present. If you rely on experiences, you'll simply keep applying old solutions to new problems. I know a lot of people who feel they have an identity only when they're talking about their problems. That way, they exist, because their problems are linked to what they judge to be "their history" "


"it takes a huge effort to free yourself from memory, but when you succeed, you start to realize that you're capable of far more than you imagined. You live in this vast body called the universe, which contains all the solutions and all the problems, visit your soul, don't visit your past... "

From "Aleph" By Paulo Coelho. 

The Lucifer Effect

This is part three of a series that has started in my head after the death of Qaddafi, which evoked something I have been thinking about a lot and a book came to the rescue. Part one is The Death Of Qaddafi  and two is Who Do We Hate ? And Why ?


How do you judge people? Don't pretend that you don't judge, we all do. So how do you judge them ? based on what ? most of us do so based on their actions, if they do good things then they are good and if they hurt others then they aren't and we would gladly call them "evil". We do it daily with dictators who kill their people, with rapists, killers, even normal people like you and you and you, cuz I wont judge me !!!.
But do you judge those who stop the evildoers like those who killed Qaddafi too ??


what do we know about the human nature?. How do people turn to good or bad ? How do they react in a good or bad way in the face of tragedies or with evildoers? 


The book that came to help, and believe me books can help you a lot in different parts of your life, is called "The Lucifer Effect, understanding How Good People Turn Evil" by Philip Zimbardo. If you ever heard his name then you would know that he is the one who staged " The Stanford Prison Experiment" . The book is trying to answer questions like "what makes good people do bad things" "how and why we are all susceptible to the lure of "the dark side" ..etc.? .


In the very first pages of the book, Zimbardo explains:
"The Lucifer Effect is my attempt to understand the processes of transformation at work when food or ordinary people do bad or evil things. We will deal with the fundamental question "what makes people go wrong?" but instead of resorting to a traditional religious dualism of good versus evil, of wholesome nature versus corruption nurture, we will look at real people engaged in life's daily tasks, enmeshed in doing their jobs, surviviing within an often turbulent crucible of human nature" and believe me the book has done so and much more. 

Its a big book of 550 pages and a big part of it is a detailed description of his Stanford Prison Experiment. you can read how normal people who were supposed to be prisoners and guards for only two weeks turned in the short time of one and two days to something evil and submissive. It explains a lot about what happens in our world and how do some can control others and how the rest can obey completely. Things we keep saying daily that we wont submit to, we wont let anyone treat us this way or that. I loved the part of the book that explains about "Crimes Against Humanity: Genocide, Rape, And Terror". Leave you wondering and in pain. 


What I love mostly is that unlike lots of psychologists, he doesn't judge, he simply explain to you the why's, the what's and the how's of our human nature. 


 The scariest thing  is that anyone of us can flip at any second if we don't be aware, awake, teach ourselves that we are all the same no matter what religion, race, country or gender we belong to. These things will help us realize that we can be on the good track. Cuz as much as it's scary to harm yourselves, it will always be horrifying to hurt and kill others. 


And keep praying it will help if you are a believer. 


More: Lucifer Effect
Lucifer
Lucifer Effect Overview

P.S: A free version of the book is available. 

Question 8

What groups do you belong to?

On what ground...

Honestly... I don't belong to any group..

I am only a human being who cares about the rest of the people no matter what religion, country or continent they come from... And I wish that people treat me the same..

I love all people no matter what group they belong to...until further notice :) 

Question 7

What money can not buy ?

I guess this is a philosophical question which mean it can be not useful at all. 

But let's answer anyway. 

Money can buy anything you believe would make you happy. Otherwise you don't know how to use it wisely. 

If you need a house, money can buy that. If you are not happy with your job, the money you have can make you quit the job you have and stuck with- because of money- and create the job you love or simply live the rest of your life with your money.

Money can make you parents happy, your wife/husband, your children so it's a fair game.

Money can provide you with the best doctors/hospital.medicine when you are sick.

Money can make you feel good about yourself when you use it to help others. 

Money can make you a better servants to your God for the bliss He showers you with.

The only problem with money is that you have to substitute your previous bosses with this new boss "money" and welcome to slavery.  

*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :)

Question 6

Describe the longest road trip you’ve ever taken. 

They say that the length of something is a matter of feelings not the actual time. Is that true ?

I honestly believe so, the longest road trip happened almost 12 years ago, it took about 3 hours but was the longest to me. 

A few days before that trip, I came home from work to a very quiet home, you can sense the fear everywhere before even meeting anyone,then my mother told me that my eldest brother and my uncle have an intervention for my younger alcoholic brother. 

He was sent to the city of Jeddah to a specialized hospital there. 

We were happy and scared at the same time. for a very few days, he kept calling , yelling and screaming that he would kill them all if no one gets him out of there immediately. So my brother ask me to go with him to convince our younger brother to stay. Me and him were really close. 

At dawn we left, through the whole 3 hours we were mostly quiet and the moments we talked it was to come up with good ideas to convince him that it's good for him to be there. 

We arrived, visited him and he was so calm. We tried our best, he hated being almost a zombie there with the medicines they gave them. We told him it's a phase and he will be better. I explained to him the state of violence he is when he drinks which is always, we tried every possible way. EVERY.

We lost and we left. Another long three hours, realizing and thinking what will happen next. 

The only way for him to leave was if my father go there and  take him out. A few days after that my father did, the whole family was there minus my eldest brother. 

He drove us back to Medina, he was very happy and excited to leave that place. 

He was drunk. He is still. 

*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :)

Question 5

Aseel asked me this question :-

what would be a great day to Wafa? 

I love regular days, days with routine cuz I know I achieve more from them unlike the holidays. 

A great day, would be waking up not sick and active in a very quiet home where everyone is still asleep. 

Having my quick breakfast and finding out that I look good before I leave the house. 

And definitely not meeting the school principle early in the morning :D

Having a smooth day at school with no one annoying me and everyone leaving me alone with my books when I got no classes :) 

Dinner at home, listening to my mother telling me how her morning was. I am trying my best to skip napping time but it's hard, so if I managed to sleep for an hour and not miss the whole afternoon time after the aser prayer, that would be great cuz I love this time, it's long, quiet-at home- and in it you can do a lot. And I love to see and live the sun light.

Spending the whole night online would be great, but if I found another job or enroll into a useful course it would be even greater cuz I hate spending only 6 or 6 and a half hours on work and most of the day on almost nothing. 

A movie or a series is a must to watch at least daily. It takes you to a whole different ideas,languages, lives..etc. 

If it's a vacation, I would love to spend my days travelling but if I can not then procrastination is the essential for the perfect day :) 

Thanks Aseel for the question :) 

*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :)

Question 4

Which would you rather admit: your age, your weight, or your salary?

I have no problem with my age !! or do I ? cuz I keep insisting that I am 37 in the Gregorian calendar not the Islamic one, in the Islamic calendar I am 38. 

btw <<

I can tell you my weight but when I lose the extra kilos I have been trying to lose for the last 10 or 15 years , I am close :)

My salary !! no I wont say that, it's no one's business but mine, right ? 

So on another thought, I don't think I would admit any !!


*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :)

Question 3

How did you get your name?

My mother wanted to call me the worst name in history :( , after her grandmother. 

Thankfully I was born 10 days after Ramadan so I made her complete the month of Ramadan without having to break her fasting so she calls me "Wafa'" وفاء لاني وفيت معاها الشهر .

I don't know how to translate this in English, but it's something like "keeping her loyal to her habit of fasting in Ramadan" so I am loyal. 

One of the main thing I like about myself is my name, simple, beautiful and not that spread. 

I keep asking myself do i have something in my personality in my name? and that's a common wonder in Arabic. A few years ago a friend ask me with a pride " Did your family know that your will be loyal to them when they gave you that name" , I smile and hoped so. 

*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :) 

Question 2:

What would you do with a million dollars?

I have a hate/love relationship with money. I love how it looks, how useful it's, but hate it so much to be able to keep for long. 

A million dollar equals 3750008 in Saudi Riyals so I will divide the money into four parts.

The first million will be used to buy the best house for for my family with the best furniture and all .

Since I wont quit my job-  I know a million dollar wont stay that long in my hand- I will take a year off and will organize the best around -the world- trip, the best.probably will start from Brazil :) 

I don't like the way charity organization work in here so I will divide the third million around people I know they need it, I already have their names in my head. People who need it for the great well being o their families.

With about 15000 I will set a big table close to The holy mosque with cold drinks, water, sandwiches, candies, dates and so many things , then invite all the beautiful people coming out of the mosque to something, 

I have to be wise, so a 600,000 will have to go to the bank to be saved, who knows I might need it one day. 

We still got 8 riyals, what am I going to do with that !!! 

P.S: Where will I ever get a million dollar from !!

PP.S: spam people, please stop your emails informing me that I won money.You don't annoy me, you break my heart every time :D 

*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :) 

30 Questions in 30 Days.September 1,Question 1

I am trying to commit to something,
so I am starting this 30 Questions in 30 Days, let's see where will it lead me :)

Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or something else? Half-full or half-empty?

I think I am more of an optimist. And I reach this by practice. 

I used to be very optimist when I was a kid, I don't know why or how I was this, 

probably fate or our brains know that we will need it one day !!

Through life and tough times, I was down a lot but then I would surprise myself by being optimist and believes that things will change and "it will get better" .

*If you have any question to ask, feel free to do so :)